Saturday, 12 January 2008

a job that slowly kills you, bruises that won't heal.

this year has started with a giant drag
and i feel so far, dragged into to it,
without much thought.
it started a couple of days in by hitting
me over the head with flu.

i have been forcing myself to paint something,
anything, just paint, if i don't, i start to
lose focus.. the longer i lose focus..
the longer i start to evaluate everything around
me.. never good.. best just to ignore the nagging
doubts and just get on with it..

i'm in two (possibly more) minds (and most of the
time) if i should apply for registration with an
upcoming entry exhibition, every nagging doubt
inside my head tells me "don't bother, it's a waste
of time" - and, sometimes, the best way to deal with
rejections, is to not put yourself in the position
to have to deal with it... not very ambitious, but
sometimes you have got to know your station and not
travel above it..
i think (know) this is way above, but temptation of
the ..maybe..
all art is subjective anyway, who can really judge,
i've been told many times to 'stick to the day job'
but i keep ignoring them and landing another exhibition..

this post, like this year so far is going nowhere,
nowhere slowly, and kind of weaving a bit off centre.


  1. Very impressive that you continue to paint, and are staying active while being sick- you are dedicated. I can totally relate to what you said about "evaluating everything around me...never good"

    Please disregard "your station" and if you must focus on it, always travel slightly above! Just like you said you've been told to stick to the day job but you keep landing exhibitions... So stop listening to the nay sayers and the doubts in your head and keep at it.

  2. thankyou megan,
    from now on i will feel slightly elevated above my station and view it from above! (if at all)

    i can ignore the nay sayers, it's just the doubts in my head that are difficult to switch off.

    but as always, i will,
    keep at it.

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